Talk to me .......

Talk to me, I'm still me .. I haven't suddenly changed and I haven't suddenly lost the need for my friends.

I might need you more than you know.

A brave face and a smile is an amazing facade when you are having a brew or munching on cake - but when you are in no state to be able to see you friends then the world revolves around phones and messages.

Talk to me, the same random rubbish that we text /messenger each other at 6am in the morning, most mornings - the chat that sets us up for the day - the chat that reminds me who I am , what my life is about, reminds me who you are and why you are important to me.

But don't be offended if I don't reply straight away - some days are better than others, some days the effort to formulate even a one liner is enough to send me to sleep for the rest of the morning. But I will always reply - if you get

then please "bear with me" ... I've seen your message but "today isn't such a good one". x

But if you get random spiel about dogs, photography, my menu for the day or my bowel movements then normal service is resumed.

I tried to have lots of conversations , at the beginning, when the diagnosis came through and when the treatment plan was announced, but to try and talk to everyone was heartbreaking - so many questions so many different responses. Some are "Chemo Survivors" and instinctively know how to be, some are terrified that they could be next and would rather not know anything. And some, probably like you, just want to help and want to know what to say - so this is why I'm writing this particular blog. Pandora is one of my best friends and she specifically asked me to write it. So this one is for you "Pan" xx

Normal is Good. To help everyone and to make it quick and easy I have daily ratings :-

5/10 and below - Leave well alone, the domestos coursing through my veins is working .. let's leave it alone to fix what it needs to fix, but it means i'm "incommunicado" lots of 👍👍👍

6/10 - coming out of the slump - feeling a little better - happy to have a short facetime or zoom but I am probably going to be in bed and not looking my most dazzling (even with my grade 1 haircut). Powers naps RULE.

7/10 - things are starting to feel that bit more normal. Trundling about, maybe even manage to get the Hoover out and push it around but need to sit down and have a "power nap" after doing anything all.

8/10 - Generally good. Dogs walked, washing done, dinner cooked... up for short cuppas in person. 2 -4 hour zoom sessions available and maybe even 2 hour photoshoots.

9/10 - The irons out !!!!! OMG this NEVER happens, if I have enough time and energy to iron things are going ok. I will have walked the dogs and put the slower cooker on and maybe even done the cleaning. Up for small trips out and face to face cuppas - but be warned, the few days that I am like this I will try and run face to face workshops and group workshops

10/10 I have forgotten for now what this feels like ....and where we WILL get back to. 😎😜